Riding Bikes!

Do you remember the exhilaration you felt when you finally learned to ride a bicycle all by yourself?

Think back to that moment…

You are riding along with mom running behind you, holding onto the back of the seat like she’s done so many times before.

“Pedal faster!” mom urges.

“Don’t let me go!” you shout.

“I won’t,” she lies.

You tighten your grip on the handlebars, lean forward and pump your legs as fast as you can as you sail down the sidewalk. But, wait! Something’s wrong.

Wobble.

Wobble, wobble.

Wobble.

You look back, but mom is no longer behind you.

Where did she go!?!?

Oh, no!

Mom!

After a few terrifying moments, you realize that you’re still upright. Shaky and unsteady, but you’re doing it. You’re riding a bike!

I think much of life is like this. We start out with guidance and support from someone we trust. As we start to grasp the concept of what we’re doing, our teacher steps back. We falter and doubt our ability to go it alone. There’s only time for a quick glance back for reassurance, because we’re moving forward. There’s no turning back now.

We fix our eyes on what’s ahead of us, lean into the challenge and focus our efforts.

There’s nowhere to go but forward or down at this point.

And down is not an option.

Yes, you can be sure of me.

From the safety of my bed

I'm snuggled in bed in my jammies, freshly showered, wrapped in blankets, head on one pillow, arms hugging another, fan blowing gently, thunderstorms rolling from the cd player, soft shushing of Jack's cpap machine, his warm body inches from me, our legs touching, his rhythmic breathing...

The only thing in between me and a good night's sleep is the phone in my hand that gives me access to the Internet.

And What Happened Yesterday.

And Still More...

More From The Wonderfully Talented Hubby

Nascar

Another awesome video by (drum roll, please) . . . Mr. Jack Alan Hignite!!!!

For you, Dad.

To: Mom & Dad, With Love

Mom and Dad, this one's for you. I love you. Jack.

Coming Home, by Jack Hignite

What my husband wants to do right now, more than anything in the world...

My Advice: Leave the garbage on the curb!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something I wrote in August of 2008. Enjoy!

A big theme in my life lately has been living in the here and now. Not the past - it's over. Not the future - it's uncertain. But here. Now. Being alive in this moment, right now, is such a gift. But it's a gift I've often squandered over the years, as I dwelled on occurrences of the past, choices I'd made, or the looming fear of future events.

I've lost a fair share of my life by being parked, stopped, anchored...my feet firmly planted (rooted even) in the moment, with my head and heart stuck somewhere in the past.

I've often likened living-in-the-here-and-now vs living-in-the-past to garbage. Once I've collected all the garbage in the house - and bagged it all up - gone to all that effort to lug those bags out to the curb, why oh why would I ever want to go out there and bring it back in the house again?!?!?! That would be insane, right? But we do it every day. We say that we're going to let things go, but then invariably find ourselves recanting past events to our friends, co-workers and loved ones. In essence, bringing the garbage back into the house, opening it up, and going through the contents, no matter how much it stinks. What's the point in that? How does that serve us?

Now, don't get me wrong. When events are fresh or new, we usually need to talk about them - vent - get some advice - so that we can have some insight into ourselves and learn. But once the event is over, and we find ourselves telling the story for the sheer entertainment value, I have to wonder if that does more harm than good. We're taking precious moments from "now" to talk about "then" when we could be LIVING!

So, it was like seeing my name on a billboard when I read Dooce (www.dooce.com) today and saw this: "No matter what horrible thing you're going through, when it's all over it only takes three seconds to sum it up. Remember that." That was Leona's advice to Dooce.

So, Here's my list of horrible events in life that now take only three seconds to sum up:

* My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I couldn't imagine ever going through the potential heartbreak of getting pregnant again. I now have four lovely children and four amazing soon-to-be stepchildren.

* I was married to an abusive man, and I never thought my kids and I would be safe or free. But we are.

* I was fired from a job once. It sucked. I survived.

* Having two failed marriages felt awful, until I (re)met the man of my dreams.

* When all the kids were younger and living at home, there were times I thought I would lose my mind. I'm still sane.

And a prediction of a future three-second sum-up:

* Jack and I and the kids are sitting around talking about how much we missed each other when he was gone, how proud we are of him and how happy we are to have him home!

I think the key is to disconnect the emotion from past events, and give them their proper place in history. With a bit of distance and perspective, we detach ourselves from our stories, stop living in the past and live in the here and now.

What kind of experiences and opportunities can you create if you turn down the volume on the past and turn up the volume on the present?

Much peace...

Do-Overs

This is something I wrote in August of 2008. Thought I would share...

I had lunch with Paula and Penny today, and Paula mentioned Do-Overs. Her reference was to the current two politicians running for the office of President of the United States of America. Can we just have a Do-Over? I tend to agree...

But I started thinking about Do-Overs in a different context. I always say that I have no regrets in life, and for the most part, that's true. But the concept of a Do-Over is actually quite appealing to me.

In school, kids scream for a Do-Over when there's interference, they don't understand the rules, or someone cheated. Or sometimes, just because they're losing.

So, in Life, if there were Do-Overs, here's what I would do over:

Interference. Now, that's a good idea. I would totally have called for a Do-Over when (1) that idiot ran the red light and totalled my car and (2) during my single days, my girlfriend spotted the cute guy before I did. Do-Over!

Not understanding the rules. Okay. This happens a lot. I would totally go back and call a Do-Over on these occasions: (1) agreeing to bake cookies for school without asking questions first - WHAT? 400 COOKIES BY TOMORROW MORNING?!?!, (2) chaperoning field trips without knowing where the class is going. The animal control facility? Uh, no. Wait, I didn't mean to sign that volunteer form. I thought it was a permission slip!, (3) marriage before the age of 40. Enough said. Do-Over.

Someone cheated. Um, hello husband number one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BING BING BING. We have a winner! BIG DO-OVER!

I'm losing. Oh, man. This could be a long list. I'm not a good loser. I'd call a Do-Over when: (1) I see that the ball is not going to drop on my number on the roulette table, (2) speeding up (just a little) to make it through a yellow light and the nice police officer turns his pretty lights on just for me (see "interference" above - i know. karma, huh?), (3) negotiations with my credit card company when I want my rate lowered and they won't do what I want them to. It's only 5% - what do they care? and (4) I'm playing video games with Mikey - he's so good at them! I would love to say, "Do-Over" and then restart the game. I'd love to win just once! Do-Over.

So, I still have no regrets.

Just a teensy little list of Do-Overs.

Luv-Luv

Random Thoughts I've Had Lately

Late at night, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, but what I'm doing instead is tossing and turning and getting all twisted up in my covers, I've begun to record some of the thoughts that drift around in my mind. Often, at 2am, I'm under the covers, typing my nighttime ponderings into the notepad on my PDA.

So, here are a few of them. They're completely random...no real rational thought involved:

* fear leads to over-protection. fear also leads to a compulsion to control. i think the concept of control is illusory. and temporary.

* i believe in giving myself away. so what if i get hurt? it's so completely worth it! that means i'm alive! i want to live freely, expansively and experientially, and with great love!

* is there any purpose or meaning in a life not shared with others? an experience, unshared...does it have value? what is to be gained by keeping experiences to ourselves? wasn't life intended to be shared? how does anyone derive any satisfaction or joy from a life unshared? if we don't share, then what is the point of existing at all? i shudder to think how unsatisfying and lonely i would be without people with whom i can share all of me.

They're random and disconnected, but I thought that if I was thinking things like this, maybe some of you are, too. And maybe if you find something we have in common, you might want to talk about them...or share your thoughts...

Much love,
Tina

Leaping!

I tend to be a "leap before you look" kind of person. In life, I jump in with both feet before testing the water. Literally.

When I was 10, my family went on vacation to Florida, and along the way we stopped at a little motel for the night so my parents could rest. I'm sure the beds were comfy and all, but the only thing I could think of as we pulled in was, "Do they have a pool? Do they have a pool?" YES! They did!

I couldn't move fast enough to get my swimming suit on and get out to that pool. It was a fairly small pool, and if my memory serves me right, there was only one other person there (an older lady?) besides my mommy and me. I remember my mom walking around the edge, checking it out. And me? I jumped right in, of course!

I expected to plunge into the pool, feeling the shock of the cold water as I sank like a stone to the bottom. And then I would push off the bottom and rocket up to the top, breaking the surface in a spray of water, gasping for breath. That was my plan, anyway. WRONG. I jumped in, and bzrt! (by the way, that's the sound of a record player needle being scratched across the tracks of a record) I was stunned to find myself standing in water that only came halfway up my thighs. I remember the feeling in my feet and legs - that jarring, this-is-going-to-hurt-later feeling. But more than the physical, I was disappointed. I can only imagine what I must have looked like to the lady who was sitting there. I kind of remember her saying something like, "Not as deep as you thought it was, huh?" or something like that. Of course, my mommy and I went on to have lots of fun. (My mom knows how to make ANYTHING fun - ask me about getting my tonsils out when I was 5. LOL). Anyway, the shallow water was just perfect for us to splash around in and cool down. And we went on to have a wonderful vacation at Disney World.

But, the profound disappointment of that moment and the fun we had afterward, has stayed with me through the years. I suppose it was a defining moment of sorts.

Over the next 30 years of my life, the lesson wasn't lost. And if you know me, you know that what I learned was not "look before you leap." More, it was to continue to live my life with wild abandon, high hopes, rose-colored glasses and always believing the glass is not only half full, but all the way full. To leap fully and eagerly into whatever good I find in life. And that if my expectations fall short of reality, to assess the situation, pull out the good, appreciate what I have, and be happy.

So, I will continue to love without fear or regret, laugh with ease, smile at everyone I meet, make new friends, and keep both of my feet moving forward in this beautiful world.

I love ya, and thanks for reading me!

Mrs. Tina Lynn Hignite

My Mother’s Christmas Tribute to the Military

My mother was the editor for an online forum (www.bellaonline.com) for awhile. One of the many wonderful and interesting accomplishments she has made over the past 60 years.

She wrote the piece below for Christmas 2007. I remember her calling both my sister and me on the phone to try it out on us. Of course, we cried as she read it to us.

Who would have known - and now I am crying again - that this would actually become a tribute to her son-in-law Jack and grandson John a short 12 months later?

Christmas Tribute to the Military
Author - Pam Cartwright

Christmas in the Great Lakes states is probably much like Christmas in other areas of the U.S. We don't have enough time or money to do everything we wish we could. We eat too much, spend too much, sleep too little and exercise only by walking into or out of the mall.

Our intentions are good. We buy special gifts for everyone we can think of. We make huge efforts to get just the right gifts..

Uncle Frank is so hard to buy for. Did I get that scarf for him?
Sue really loves tea. Will she like the tea set I bought her?
I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. Should I get something for the nurse at Dr. Johnson's office?

But, sometimes a gift has nothing to do with buying. It's a kind word or a lift to the grocery or a phone call to a far-away friend.

The other day as I was walking into our local supercenter I saw a person dressed in military clothing. You know the kind of outfit I'm talking about. We got used to it with Desert Storm – that desert fighting apparel. I was in awe, as I always am, when face-to-face with someone in the military. The person noticed me staring and shouted hello, so I returned the greeting. It got me to thinking about Christmas in the military. Today, I wrote this poem to thank the men and women who keep our country safe.

You are in my thoughts and prayers today as Christmas Eve draws near
I praise you for your sacrifice to protect what we hold dear
Your thoughts here at Christmastime, I hope are filled with trust
That you will soon be home again where you belong - with us
Each time I see a person clothed in military dress
I silently pray that they return whole and without stress
I give them my biggest smile and hope they understand
That I am thanking them right there in the only way I can
I do not know the harms you face, my information lacks
The knowledge of the place you go when you get summoned back
I share your love of country even if I do not go
You honor me by serving when you may not wish it so
As you read this ode to faith and hope and trust and love, I pray
That it will bring you peace and strength to make it through the day
Remember why we celebrate, remember that we care
Even in the midst of night when no one else is there
As you stand your vigils in the dark and your thoughts wander far
And your greatest wish - to be home - is wished upon a star
Please take my tribute to you and keep it in your heart
I only say what many feel while we are far apart
I hope the loneliness you have is one that you believe
Will make the world a better place each future Christmas Eve

Thank you.

Yes, she's amazing. I am so blessed to be her daughter. She's on my top friends list if you would like to drop her a line.

If you know someone in the service and would like to, please pass my mother's tribute along to them. She would be honored if you share this gift.

Gettin' Glad

My mother tells me that her grandma (who was all of 4'9") used to say, "You can get glad in the same clothes you got mad in," to her and her brothers and sisters when they'd get mad as kids. You should know that mom's grandma raised her 5 grandchildren after their mother died at 32 of breast cancer and their father died of a heart attack at 38.

My great-grandma was a spit fire of a lady! I've heard people say before, "There's a whole lotta woman packed in that little frame," and that aptly described my great-grandmother.

So, when grandma said, "You can get glad in the same clothes you got mad in," she meant to just deal with whatever the situation was, because it wasn't going to change anytime soon, least of all not before you changed outta them clothes.

And I think about that in relation to this week's presidential election. Here in America. In a democratic society . . . a government by the people . . . where majority rules. Where our voices are heard. Where one person can make a difference. Where every vote counts.

And during this election process, two candidates for the office of president came forth. Two honorable men who had strong desires to serve the country they love. Two men who campaigned tirelessly to present their platforms and, each in his own way, win the hearts and minds of the American people. Two men who were the focus of almost every conscious American's interest for a good 18 or so hours on November 4, 2008, as the voting began...and then ended. And then, as the day drew to a close, the votes were tallied, and one of the men won.

Despite who voted for whom, or which man is the best, or what you wanted or didn't want, the outcome is very simple. Majority ruled. One man won.

And a lot of people are mad about it.

So, as my great-grandma once said: YOU CAN GET GLAD IN THE SAME CLOTHES YOU GOT MAD IN.

Because it ain't gonna change anytime soon.

Letting Him Go...Again

I had no idea what to expect when we walked into the airport that morning. Well, that's not exactly true. I suspected (ok I knew) that it was going to be one of the most difficult experiences of my life. But I had been practicing for a few months the fine art of "staying in the moment" whereby you don't think about the past or the future, you just glide along in the here and now and enjoy each experience as it comes.

And I had been pretty successful in doing that, so I hadn't really given much conscious thought to how the morning would unfold. I knew a few things for certain. First, I knew my husband was leaving. Second, I knew it was going to be difficult. Past that, I hadn't really allowed myself to build any preconceived expectations of what would happen.

I won't go into the details of our goodbye. I am pretty sure that if you've ever had to say goodbye (and most of us have) that you can insert your own experience here and feel the emotions I felt upon saying goodbye to my husband of two weeks. The husband I had waited over 20 years to have. My soulmate. My heart. I know you get me.

The purpose for me writing about this is what happened after I put my husband on that plane. The airport authority was kind enough to allow me to accompany my husband back to the gate. After we said our final goodbye, he walked through the doorway and I lost sight of him as he made his way down the walkway and boarded the awaiting aircraft.

I made myself stand there and watch him. I waited a few moments. I think I was holding my breath. I didn't want to leave yet...I could still feel him there. So, I walked over to the window and sat in a chair and watched the plane. Some tears were sliding down my cheeks, but I wasn't out and out crying. I was in pretty good control of myself, considering. I sat there for several minutes and then something told me it was time to leave.

I stood, and began to make my way alone back the way Jack and I had come together less than 20 minutes before. I had only taken about 10 steps, when an older man in a long coat with a briefcase walked closely by me. He looked my way and simply said, "It will be okay," and then he was gone. I don't remember anything about him other than the coat and briefcase and words. I wouldn't be able to recognize him again, even if we were formally introduced. I was in a kind of fog.

As I made my way back through the airport, toward my children who were waiting in the car, I thought about the kindness of a stranger. The words are still with me. He was right. It will be okay.

And I hope that the man in the long coat was catching a plane home to a loving family. And that when he arrived, someone who loves him was there to greet him with a hug and a smile. He deserves that and more, for simply and without intruding, reaching out to a crying woman in an airport who had just placed the love of her life on the first step of a long journey far away from her.

Thank you, man in the long coat. You're in my prayers.

I wanna be like Christan!

Directions: Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not. Answer the 30 questions at the end and tag 3 (or more) of your friends to play too!(This is for your entire life.)

(x ) Gone on a blind date

(x) Skipped school

( ) Watched someone die

(x ) Gone to Canada

( ) Gone to Mexico

(x) Gone on a plane

( ) Jumped out of a plane

( ) Been on a Helicopter

(xxxxxxxxxxxxx) Gotten lost

(x)Gone on the opposite side of the country

( ) Gone to Washington, DC

(x) Swam in the ocean

(x) Cried your self to sleep

(x ) Played cops and robbers

( ) Recently colored with crayons

(x) Sang Karaoke

(x)Paid for a meal with coins only

(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't

(x) Made prank phone calls

(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(x) Danced in the rain

(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(x) Gotten kissed under the mistletoe

(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about

(x) Blown bubbles

(x) Gone ice-skating

(x) Gone Skiing (water & snow)

(x) Gone skinny dipping outdoors

(x) Gone to the movies

(x) Gone to a drive-in movie

1. Any nickname? Jack calls me baby, the kids call me mommy, Stacey calls me Teena Weena LOL

2. Mother's name? Pamela

3. Favorite drink? Sweet tea

4. Tattoo? yep, 1

5. Body piercings? not yet

6. How much do you love your job? on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest) - 8.5

7. Birthplace? Cloverdale, In

8. Favorite vacation spot? Anywhere that phones and tv's are hard to come by

9. Ever been to Africa ? no, but I'd love to

10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? yes, recently! :)

11. Ever been on TV? does America's Most Wanted count? just kidding. Not that I am aware of.

12. Ever steal any traffic sign? no

13. Ever been in a car accident? Yes, a couple - but like Christan - none were my fault.

14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? haha - 5 door - hatch back

15. Favorite salad dressing? honey mustard or chunky bleu cheese

16. Favorite pie? peach

17. Favorite number? 7 because it's magic

18. Favorite movie? The Jerk with Steve Martin (comedy) and City of Angels for romantic

19. Favorite holiday? All of them. I really love Halloween!

20. Favorite dessert? tiramisu (if it's made well)

21. Favorite food? it's too difficult to choose

22. Favorite day of the week? Today!

23. What do you do to relax? what's that? hahaha - i agree with Christan!

24. Favorite toothpaste? Crest with the little pink sparklies

25. Favorite smell? lavender usually - but i love anything that smells clean

26. What month were you born in? August - TODAY in Fact! :)

27. Favorite Candle Scent? merlot

28. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Married to Jack, loving our children

29. What 3 people do you tag to do this meme? Stacey, Rachel, Mom

30. Who will be the first to respond? we'll see

Breathless

Dear Heavenly Father, please protect Jack and the rest of our soldiers as they actively participate in the fight against terrorism. Please place a protective barrier around all of our soldiers and make them invisible to their enemies. I pray that You stand beside them . . . in front of them . . . whatever it takes to protect their bodies from the bullets of those who would take their lives. Please protect their hearts and minds from the mental stress and trauma of war. Please, Dear Father, allow them to see the light of another day. Our soldiers are precious to us. They are our husbands, friends, brothers, fathers, fiancés, and we need them home with us as soon as Your will allows it. Please make it soon.

In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

Watch Over Him...

Artwork by Jenny B Harris.

In the last month, I have learned that...

family is made up of all sorts of people - not just those born into it

pain won't kill me

I can function pretty well on very little sleep

to prioritize my activities according to what's most important to me

I have an unlimited supply of tears

I am wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy stronger than I thought I was

I can go from a deep sleep to fully awake in less than 2 seconds when Jack calls at 4am

it costs me approximately $8 in gas to get to work and back, but for 42 cents I can mail a letter halfway around the world

the glue on the flap of an envelope tastes really gross

there are a bazillion ways to say "I love you"

prayer works - God listens

there are some awesome women on this planet and I am glad to call them my friends (Theresa, Penny, Stacey, Joyce, Arlene, Linda, Beth, Jignasa)

there are some incredibly strong military wives who were perfect strangers less than a month ago (Christan and Chantel) who are now a source of great strength and inspiration to me

I simply adore Jack's ex's (Barbie & Kelly)

Jack's mother is an amazing woman (Dottie), and I cherish every moment we spend together, whether it's talking about our day or saying our evening prayers

Jack's sisters are heroes (Tina & Gina)

the man who loves me is incredibly brave and unselfish

I am going to love being part of the Hignite Family (again)

the group of children I love the most has doubled (Joel, Sammy, Rachel, Mikey, Alexis, John, Meg, Mariah, Olivia)

just because you're someone else's child doesn't mean I can't love you like my own (Kevin, Jessica, Stephanie, Jason)

my mother (Pam) and my sister (Rachel) are amazing women, and I can't even begin to think who I would be today without them

I am blessed

This is by no means a complete list of the things I have learned in the past month. But it's a good start.

What have you learned in the past month?

Thinking about him...

There are times during the day (mostly when I'm writing or blogging, or when I'm driving to and from work) when it's absolutely silent and I'm all alone with myself. During those times, I shut the world out and just think about Jack. I let random memories and images from our teenage years and our adult years flood my mind and heart.



Sometimes, the thoughts come to me on a breeze . . . like catching the soft scent of a lilac bush as you're walking by. Thoughts of him drift lazily into my head. I'll remember something awesome he said to me ("I love you, Tina") or a request he's made ("I want our first dance after we're married to be to I Can't Help Falling In Love With You.").

And sometimes, thoughts of him pop! zing! wham! right into my head at odd times. Like a little girl who jumps on your back like a monkey when you least expect it! These thoughts and memories of the fun and laughter and excitement we've shared are the ones that threaten to knock me off my feet and make me forget where I am and what I'm doing.

Like today, while I was in a meeting at work. No disrespect to the presenter (he's an awesome guy), but the topic was b-o-r-i-n-g. And it was almost two hours of boring. So, naturally, the mind (at least MY mind) strayed away from SOP changes and process updates and such to more pleasant things like how much laundry I have to do when I get home (LOTS!) and what I'm going to eat for dinner (Penny's yummy Mexican lasagna). I for sure had the TEGO thing going on (TEGO=The Eyes Glaze Over), and suddenly, there it was in front of me.

I was gone from that room and those people, and for about 60 seconds, I was filled with a rush of memories...

Arriving at the airport. The look on his face when we made eye contact for the first time in over 20 years. The hotel room in Killeen. Jack in his Army sweats, and me in mine. His eyes. The ice-cold air conditioning. Braunschweiger & Ritz crackers. Holding hands. Charlie Gordon's War. Jack's laugh. The Alamo. Lots! Of! Music! Man on the Moon. PT. Trips to the base. Kisses. Little Italy. Meeting John. Our song. Java Monsters. Hearing his key in the door. Tanks. Breakfast at that little table in our room. Snuggling.

My heart and mind were filled with the most awesome memories of my trip to visit him in Texas.

I didn't check out for too long. At least I wasn't nodding off to sleep like some people were. hahaha! I saw a few heads nodding. Like I said it was a boring topic and it was a bit warm in the room.

So, I made it through the meeting. I did manage to actually absorb quite a bit of the info and what I didn't quite catch, I will refer to the handouts.

And, as if on cue, just as the meeting was concluding, my cell phone vibrated.

It was my soldier...my hero...my warrior...my love.