My Advice: Leave the garbage on the curb!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something I wrote in August of 2008. Enjoy!

A big theme in my life lately has been living in the here and now. Not the past - it's over. Not the future - it's uncertain. But here. Now. Being alive in this moment, right now, is such a gift. But it's a gift I've often squandered over the years, as I dwelled on occurrences of the past, choices I'd made, or the looming fear of future events.

I've lost a fair share of my life by being parked, stopped, anchored...my feet firmly planted (rooted even) in the moment, with my head and heart stuck somewhere in the past.

I've often likened living-in-the-here-and-now vs living-in-the-past to garbage. Once I've collected all the garbage in the house - and bagged it all up - gone to all that effort to lug those bags out to the curb, why oh why would I ever want to go out there and bring it back in the house again?!?!?! That would be insane, right? But we do it every day. We say that we're going to let things go, but then invariably find ourselves recanting past events to our friends, co-workers and loved ones. In essence, bringing the garbage back into the house, opening it up, and going through the contents, no matter how much it stinks. What's the point in that? How does that serve us?

Now, don't get me wrong. When events are fresh or new, we usually need to talk about them - vent - get some advice - so that we can have some insight into ourselves and learn. But once the event is over, and we find ourselves telling the story for the sheer entertainment value, I have to wonder if that does more harm than good. We're taking precious moments from "now" to talk about "then" when we could be LIVING!

So, it was like seeing my name on a billboard when I read Dooce (www.dooce.com) today and saw this: "No matter what horrible thing you're going through, when it's all over it only takes three seconds to sum it up. Remember that." That was Leona's advice to Dooce.

So, Here's my list of horrible events in life that now take only three seconds to sum up:

* My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I couldn't imagine ever going through the potential heartbreak of getting pregnant again. I now have four lovely children and four amazing soon-to-be stepchildren.

* I was married to an abusive man, and I never thought my kids and I would be safe or free. But we are.

* I was fired from a job once. It sucked. I survived.

* Having two failed marriages felt awful, until I (re)met the man of my dreams.

* When all the kids were younger and living at home, there were times I thought I would lose my mind. I'm still sane.

And a prediction of a future three-second sum-up:

* Jack and I and the kids are sitting around talking about how much we missed each other when he was gone, how proud we are of him and how happy we are to have him home!

I think the key is to disconnect the emotion from past events, and give them their proper place in history. With a bit of distance and perspective, we detach ourselves from our stories, stop living in the past and live in the here and now.

What kind of experiences and opportunities can you create if you turn down the volume on the past and turn up the volume on the present?

Much peace...