So, this post begins with a power struggle.
Lately, my heart and my brain both want to be in charge. Neither is willing to take a backseat to the other. So, when I start feeling too much (i.e., crying my eyes out) then my brain kicks into high gear, pulling me from my heart and throwing me head-first into thinking mode. Which leads me to a natural defense mode called "how do I fix this?" I quickly come to the conclusion that I can't "fix" anything, because truly, nothing is broken. And then I feel helpless, and I find myself crying again. It's exhausting.
I was thinking today about the way I feel now that Jack has deployed. I'm always about 3 inches from crying, and while it's true that I am by nature an emotional creature, it's never been anything like this.
So, Choice popped into my head today, and Blessing popped into my heart.
I know that nothing in life happens by accident. We make choices in our lives, mostly based on who we believe we are and what we think we deserve. Those choices lead us down a path. A path which, at any moment, we can choose to abandon or pursue. We have a choice. Plain and simple. There are no accidents. We cause things to happen in our lives based on our choices. We have created the life we have right now, based on our choices. I have created the life I have right now. Jack created the life he has right now. We had free will. We made deliberate choices.
So, I started to think about blessings. When I normally think of blessings, I think mainly of prayer and Thanksgiving. But the blessings in my heart today are slightly different.
It's like being blessed with dirty dishes. It means I have food to eat, right?
It's like being blessed with high gas prices. It means I have a car to drive, a place to go, and a vehicle to get there, right?
It's like being blessed with presidential debates that interrupt my regularly scheduled progamming. It means I live in a democratic society, right?
Or being blessed with tears because I miss Jack. It means I love and am loved in return. Right!
Or being blessed with fears because I worry for Jack and his army brothers' safety. It means that our country's freedoms are being protected by extremely brave men. Right!
Thank God that we have the blessings of experiencing the natural outcomes of our choices. It means we're free. It means we're in charge.
Life is deliberate, purposeful and solid.
I feel blessed.
3 comments:
I saw your comment on my blog. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I need all I can get. I would love to be in contact with you. Email me at ac5557@yahoo.com. I'm sure your husband is exactly where mine is. I don't want to post it here, due to security, but I would love to hear from you. Cory left just last week too and will be heading out to his FOB in the next day or so. Again, I am sure they are in the same place as there are very few places where they "hold" these guys. Is Jack in 1/26 Inf?
I LOVE this post! When I am having a hard day, I pop over and read it! Lately my hard days are everyday! Thanks for sharing your feelings! Its kind of scary how much we think alike!
Rock on, sister. Rock ON.
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