Sidewalks to Nowhere

While the laundry was drying, I decided to take a walk through the neighborhood near our hotel. I had actually been planning on taking a nice, long walk for a couple of days, but the farthest I'd managed to get was the edge of the parking lot.

The neighborhood turned out to be really quiet. It's an older neighborhood, filled with modest one-story homes. I saw people here and there, outside enjoying the day. I said hello to an older gentleman as he was walking back with his mail and made a comment about the weather to a lady who was setting up her sprinkler.

As I walked, I made a conscious effort to stay in the moment. I wanted to forever imprint in my memory the sounds, smells and feelings I was experiencing. I found myself looking up quite often, noticing the blueness of the sky, how fluffy the clouds were and how fast the Texas wind was whipping them across the sky. I enjoyed the feeling of the wind moving my curls around and made no effort to brush my hair from my face. The warmth of the sun, the humidity and the wind combined to make it feel like I was walking through bathwater. In the distance, I could hear the hypnotic sound of cars as they whooshed along the freeway. I heard birds calling out in a bird language I don't recall ever hearing. And there were trees of a variety I've never seen. It all felt very surreal, in a pleasantly numb and unfamiliar way.

I noticed that the sidewalk I was on ended abruptly about 20 feet ahead. I looked around, and there was another one across the street that also ended for no apparent reason. I thought of them as Sidewalks to Nowhere. It's like, originally there was a purpose - someone had a plan to build a sidewalk, but then they got bored or tired or whatever and never bothered to finish. Or they decided that wherever the sidewalk was supposed to actually lead to, it really wasn't worth the effort. Or maybe they never intended to build a sidewalk that actually went anywhere. Maybe the plan all along was for it to end into nothingness. It was all very Stephen King-ish.

I don't know why these Sidewalks to Nowhere are bothering me so much. I wonder what they represent in my life. Maybe paths (sidewalks) I started building at different points in my life that I decided weren't worth the effort. Or maybe there was a trail (sidewalk) I was blazing toward some pipedream that I lost interest in. Or maybe there were times I took a street (sidewalk) just to see what was down there and then decided to turn around without giving it a chance.

I hear it. I hear the sound of Deeper Meaning. It's getting pretty close, but I'm on vacation, so I'm going to go watch tv or play a game or call someone. And (maybe) I'll think about Sidewalks to Nowhere later.

For now, I'm going to make a conscious effort to stop thinking about them.

Quotes

"Sure I am that this day we are masters of our fate, that the task which has been set before us is not above our strength; that its pangs and toils are not above my endurance. As long as we have faith in our own cause and an unconquerable will to win, victory will not be denied us."

- Winston Churchill

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We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

- Randy Pausch

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You can't scrub "ugly" away.

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Put your energy into the things you can change and let go of everything else.

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The only reason we create distance between ourselves is because we know there isn't any.

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Don't panic. Keep a level head. Think clearly. Press on. Be determined. Accept what you cannot change. When life kicks you, make sure it kicks you forward.

- Kay Yow (NC State head coach)

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"Do you know the people you are fighting?"

"I don't want to know them. I may have to kill them."

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Intermittent panicky skepticism was to be expected whenever you stepped off the cliff, whenever you went into some realm of experience that wasn't modeled and accepted and approved and stuck into a nice frame by society at large.

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Life should be a little nuts. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of Thursdays strung together.

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When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on so long in the first place.

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If you want it, make it happen.

- Mike Jones

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Winners lose more than Losers. They win and lose more than Losers, because they stay in the game.

- Terry Paulson

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I'm really good at jotting down little quotes I hear that make sense to me or beg to be thought of more deeply. However, I'm not always good at writing down who said what. So, I didn't say any of these things where there's no author listed, I just heard them. But from whom, I have no idea.

The Hokey Pokey

I think it's about:

* doing the things you didn't think you could...
* loving people you've never met...
* loving people you've just met...
* loving people you've known a lifetime...
* loving the seemingly unlovable...
* and knowing when to walk away...
* daring to dream wild dreams...
* believing...in everything...but especially in yourself...
* not being afraid...
* creating the reality you want...
* not being afraid to lose...
* taking chances of the heart...
* every once in a while leaping before you look...just because it's exciting...
* stepping off the line of the predictable now...
* eating breakfast for dinner...
* eating dessert first...
* falling hopelessly, totally, head-over-heels in love...
* not second-guessing your decisions...
* trusting your heart...
* choosing a path in life that serves you...
* knowing what serves you...
* allowing and actually enjoying it when people do things for you...
* knowing that time will pass...
* trust...
* love...
* always love.

I don't think I'll ever really figure out what it's all about. Life, that is. At least I hope I don't. Because not knowing makes it magical, like anything can happen. Like, no matter how I thought my life was going to turn out, there is no script. This is as solid and real as I want it to be.

And lately? Well, lately I've wanted Solid and Real. I mean, I want to create them. With someone very special. And I found him. Thank God, I found him.

And we get to decide together what's solid and real.

Always love. My heart feels good.