The Real Thing

This afternoon, I decided to treat my son to one of his favorite holiday movies, The Santa Clause II.

We get to the scene in the movie where all the fictional characters of childhood are holding their annual meeting. The camera pans the group, and Mikey names each one as they appear on the screen:

"Santa...The Tooth Fairy...Cupid...The Easter Bunny...Mother Earth...Moses..."

WHAT!?!??!??! HAHAHAHA

I didn't have the heart to tell him that it was actually The Sandman!

There's Always Room For One More

Mikey loves Bionicles, these Lego creature thingies from outer space. Look them up if you don't know what they are. One particular character (Keetongu) is his favorite.

He came in the room a moment ago and whispered to me, "Everyone thinks Keetongu is a legend or a myth, but we both know he's real." Then he gave me a knowing look.

I stared at him for a moment, trying to see if he was serious. Then I asked, "Why did you have to whisper that?"

He looked around the room like there were spies hidden in the corners and whispered, "Because anybody could be listening."

Should aliens ever actually attack Earth, they won't get a thing outta this kid.

Mikey Says

For the past few weeks, I have been working gi-normic amounts of overtime. Most of it from home, thanks to cable modem. My kids have definitely felt the sting of mom not being available to them, but none more so than Mikey, my 10 year old.

When he came home from school at 4:15 to find me at the computer yet again he said, "Mom, you look stressed." I told him I was so busy I didn't know which end was up.

To which he solemnly advised me...

"It's the end with your kids on it, mom!"

Yeah, I know. You wish he was yours. But you can't have him. He's mine.

Allllllllllllll mine.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm taking someone out for pizza.

:)

Monkey See, Monkey Do

10 Favorites…

Favorite Color: Pink
Favorite Food: Grits with heavy cream, sugar and lotsa butter
Favorite Band/Singer: Luther Vandross
Favorite Hobby: Chillin with the children
Favorite Movie: The Jerk, As Good As It Gets
Favorite Sport: Football, since Mikey plays
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Day of the Week: Saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Persimmon from the place in Nashville
Favorite Time of Day: Bedtime

9 Currents…

Current Mood: Antsy - I want to go shopping, but I'm trying to be good!
Current Clothes: Pink fuzzy socks, inside-out nightgown and my pink fuzzy robe.
Current Underwear Color: Blue & Pink boyshorts
Current Desktop Picture: Jeff and Stephie-Pie
Current Nail Color: Mauvin to Mongolia
Current Time: 2:06pm
Current Surroundings: Joel's bedroom
Current Annoyances: It's a bit chilly in here
Current Thoughts: I want to go shopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 Firsts…

First Best Friend: My guardian angel
First Screen Name: twilight
First Pet: A mutt named Snookie
First Tattoo: None...yet
First Love: Jack Alan Hignite
Music Group: Well, it was Donny Osmond
First Car: 1970 canary yellow Vega hatchback

7 Lasts…

Last Cigarette: That would be a big, fat never
Last Drink: Hot Chamomile tea, made by myRachel
LastTime on Drugs: Midol a few days ago
Last Kiss: A boy who drove from PA to see me
Last Movie Watched: Austin Powers, the first one
Last CD Played: Luther

6 Have You Evers…

Have you ever dated one of your best friends? No
Have you ever broken the law? Yes
Have you ever been arrested? No
Have you ever skinny dipped? Yes
Have you ever been on television? I think maybe when I was younger
Have you ever kissed someone you didn’t know? Yes

5 Places You’ve Been…

Canada
Oklahoma
Florida
Colorado
My Happy Place

4 People...

4 People You Can Tell Anything To…

My Momma
My Sister
Joel
Arlene
Linda

3 Things…

3 things you can hear right now:
Mikey and Austin laughing
Smashmouth singing I'm A Believer
the keys clicking on the keyboard


3 things you can’t live without:
My Kids
My Family
My Friends

3 things you do when you’re bored:
Sleep
Read
Play on the Internet

2 Choices...

Black or white: Black

Hot or cold: Cold

1 Thing You Want To Do Before You Die…

I want to know absolutely in my heart and soul that my children are happy with themselves and with the lives they live.

Because Sometimes You Gotta Follow the Crowd...

All about...who else? ME!

1. Spell your first name backwards: ANIT

2. Story behind your name: I think my Grandma Reka wanted me to be named Michelle. My mother wanted Tina. I'm glad my momma won! :)

3. How old are you: A very satisfied 38

4. Where do you live: East side of Indy

DESCRIBE YOUR…

5. Wallet: Hot pink and lime green

6. Toothbrush: Pink and white with a pink brush cover

7. Jewelry worn daily: Silver hoop earrings, silver butterfly bracelet, silver Citizen's watch. Maybe a ring now and then.

8. Pillow cover right now: Cream 450 thread count Egyptian cotton

9. Sunglasses: Well, they were these cute pink ones with sparklies on the sides. But...they fell out of my purse in the driveway and I smushed them with my car. They're in a landfill somewhere now.

10. Favorite shirt: Black satin camisole with my burgundy crushed velvet jacket

11. Cologne/Perfume: White Shoulders, of course

12. CD in stereo right now: An R&B love song mix

13. Piercings: Ears twice

14. What you are wearing now: Black and white Barbie jammie crop pants with hot pink bows at the ankles and a hot pink tank top. I'm lounging!

15. Wishing: That my grandma Reka was here with me

16. Wanting: To continue on with this particular phase of my life. I am looking forward to each tomorrow, being me, and enjoying my surroundings.

17. After this: Finish up writing a training course on a new piece of software my company purchased.

18. If you could get away with it and murder anyone who would it be? Murder's not really my style. I prefer that the people I dislike live, so they can see how happy I am and then die of jealousy! One caveat. If you fuck with my children, you will die. Period. I don't care whether I get away with it or not. And it would not be murder. It would be a mother's justice.

19. Person you wish you could see right now: My momma

20. Favorite movie: The Jerk

21. Something you're looking forward to in the coming week: Trans-Siberian!!!

22. The last thing you ate: Cheese pizza (thanks to my Jessie-Pie)

23. Something you are deathly afraid of: Someone hurting one of my children. See #18.

24. Do you believe in love at first sight? Let's see... My definition of love is when someone protects your heart at all costs, even if it's from themselves. So, the question becomes, do I believe that at first sight someone would care enough about me to do that? No, I don't. And if they say they do, it's certainly a lie. Only by getting to know one another can you find love.

25. What is the longest you've ever stayed up? About 37 hours - when Sammy went missing one Friday. It felt more like 1,000 hours. I was so scared that I didn't notice I was tired.

26. Can you eat with chopsticks? Yes, but after about 10 minutes of managing to get very little food in my mouth, I opt for the fork.

27. What's something that you wish people would understand better: That it's our job to be human

28. What's something you wish you could understand better? Life

29. What is something that you wish was still around? I really liked Atari

RELATIONSHIPS

30. How many people have you kissed? I can't count that high

31. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friend: Without hesitation

FASHION STUFF

32. Where is your favorite place to shop? Dang, I can't choose just one place

33. Have any tattoos: Nope

34. What is your favorite thing to wear: As little as possible

35. How much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing: I wouldn't brag about spending a lot of money on a single item. I would, however, be happy to tell you about the bargains I find!

36. Who is the least fashionable person you know? I really shouldn't judge other people's fashion sense. I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN ME? LOL :)

37. What is the worst trend you see today- ugly trends? That "sense of entitlement" attitude people wear. It's terribly unbecoming on even the most beautiful/handsome person.

38. Do you do drugs? Nah. Nothing interesting, anyway.

39. What would you change about yourself? I would say maybe that bit of fat hanging from my jawline. No, I can't change that - it was a gift from my grandmother. I know! My pot belly! But wait, I would never change that because it's a gift from my children. Maybe my hair color. Nope, mom gave it to me. My height perhaps, but it's the only thing my biological father ever gave me. Let's see... I know what I'd change! NOT A DAMN THING.

40. What are essentials in your life ? My children, family, friends and a nice, comfy bed.

That is all.

My First Halloween...

This will be the first Halloween that I will be without a child dressed in costume with whom to roam the streets of Irvington. Over the years, my kids have been:

* a bag of trash - Rachel
* a dead football player - Sammy
* dracula - Joel
* mad scientist who killed people - Joel
* dentist who pulled his own tooth - Sammy
* fancy belle of the ball complete with evening gown and water-filled balloons for boobs - Rachel
* Ninja - Mikey (for the past 4 years)
* Annakin Skywalker - Mikey
* Buzz LightYear - Mikey

We had a big Halloween party a couple of years ago, complete with fog machine and supper in a pumpkin (very yummy!).

But this year, since Mike and I are separated, Mikey will be with him. We already bought Mikey's costume . . . a bright, red ninja costume. I can just imagine him running up and down the driveways with his cousins yelling, "Happy Halloween!" Years ago, my kids decided they didn't want to shout the traditional "trick or treat" when folks opened their doors. Instead, they decided to yell, "Happy Halloween!" and it stuck.

From the year Rachel was a bag of trash with gum wrappers stuck in her picked out hair, to Joel being a vampire and actually taking a sip of "vampire blood" at one house (much to my horror), to Sammy being a dentist who pulled his own tooth and the black kept coming off of his tooth all night long, it's been an amazing and spooky adventure.

It's difficult to think about this being the last year for trick or treating with my children. Mikey's 10 years old and likely won't be interested in this particular activity much longer. So, although I am happy that Mikey is spending time with his dad and cousins, I am sad for myself.

Irvington will have to celebrate Halloween without my four precious little goblins this year.

What do you need?

Go to Google and type in "[your name] needs" and then search.

Here are the results of "tina needs":

1. a slower pace
2. a ride
3. to narrow her shoulders and create a waist (from What Not to Wear)
4. a response
5. to ask other parents to pay a little more to enable Tina's needs to be met
6. to see this (curiously, under a section called PoopScoop)
7. your help
8. to read
9. a boy (i would prefer a man)
10. two more cents
11. a specialist dementia social worker
12. someone nice ;o) (from a fetish swingers site!)
13. to f**k (yikes!)
14. to be kicked in the face multiple times (uh, no thanks)
15. immigration help

Enjoy!

Things My Mother Told Me

September 10, 2001:
Everyone's life throws spitballs, some more than others. You have always acted like yours were made out of fairy dust.
Love,
MOM

November 5, 2001:
I know you are still going through a lot of turmoil in your life so I don't bother you too much. I hope it all gets straightened out for you one of these days soon. You are a very special person. Just remember that sometimes we make wrong choices. When we do, we have to "fix" our lives. Being the strong women we are, we can do this. It just takes some time. Then, we can be ourselves again. I hope your "fix", however you decide to do it, brings you peace and happiness. You have brought a lot of peace and happiness to others and you deserve it for yourself.

I love you very much.
Mom

December 12, 2001:
HI!!! Just wanted to let you know that I have not heard from Star Staffing yet. I take that as a bad sign. I find it hard to believe that they do not see the benefits of hiring me, especially since I am a mega genius. I know this because I reached a score of 81,410 on Atomica this morning and became a mega genius. To this point in my life, I am not sure that I had reached that level of success but when it is printed in front of you it is hard to argue. Phil feels a difference in the air so I know this is true. Now if only I could find those contrails that give you super powers, my day would be complete with or without a call from Star Staffing.

I hope you have a wonderful day. I am leaving now in the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.

Yours truly,
Mama Megagenius
Swooooping awayyyyy......

January 3, 2002:
I believe I might have surpassed the expectations of the mega genius status. I now own a bright red Blazer. Surely, this is a sign.

With your new position in life and the fact that you will shortly be driving the car of the one previously known as MEMA (now known as SUPER MEMA --- yes, Elizabeth, there is a contrail for super powers), you are hereby elevated to Mega Genius In The Making. When we next meet, we will find the wizard and have him bestow the title on you formally. Until then, click your heels together three times and say "I ain't afraid of no ghosts". This will work as long as you don't go through the hidden door in the back of the cupboard/closet, which could lead you into that cold world that I cannot remember the name of......

Beware of the Ides of March!! Don't walk under a ladder? Let everyone know if you make that hole-in-one!?X

I must go now. I see another email entitled "Sanity Test". It intrigues me.

Love,
SUPER MEMA

February 2, 2002:
Each of us can fill up our lives with the things that go on around us. It takes special effort to make sure that those we love are not left on the sidelines. Many times they are the ones who are being the most supportive by being understanding about our involvement with others and other things. But it never fails that we will need them and miss them at some point. And we need to make sure that we have not allowed their lives to fill up without us.

March 5, 2002:
You have grown to be lovely women [addressing my sister and me] -- the kind that makes me very proud -- to be your mother. Have a wonderful day.
Love,
MOM

October 24, 2002:
I am so pleased that you got this [an award at work]. It shows that every once in awhile, people notice. Seldom do they take the time to tell you, so a big thank you from me to David Turner for telling the world that you are great. I'm very proud to be your mom.
I love you, my star.
MOM

January 22, 2003:
OMG --- I can't tell you how much it means to me that you sent that to me [an email telling her how much I love her]. You are a wonderfully loving daughter and I feel blessed to have you in my life. I love you very much and I am glad that I can be a little lightness in your life. Thank you.
Love,
MOM

April 26, 2003:
Congrats. I'm always very proud of you, but it's wonderful when others recognize you too [another award at work]. It makes me feel even more proud that you are my daughter.
Love,
MOM

See why I love her?

I want this back. Let's hope it works for us

I received from my favorite aunt:

Let's hope it works for us

IF THIS WORKS FOR YOU - BE SURE AND LET ME KNOW – I HAVE SENT THIS ONE OUT TIME AND AGAIN - AND SO FAR NOTHING OUTSTANDING HAS HAPPENED EXCEPT I AM STILL AROUND - I GUESS THAT COULD BE CONSIDERED OUTSTANDING - RIGHT ? ? ?

It is a great blessing regardless of any gain!

Results from past recipients:

Not sure if this had anything to do with it but it was shortly after I sent this out - I got a call to say our bond was approved - against all odds.

I don't know if it works but i won a new fridge full of various cool drinks from Beyer And Beyer last week.

I do not know if it works, but I won a microwave yesterday (08 August 2004). Seems like it Hey !!

Have to take a chance on this one!

Good luck to everyone! And may all your dreams come true!!

----- This may sound nuts, but my husband got this the other day and sent it off. About 10 minutes later a really good financial windfall happened for his son
Sean who he had sent it too as well. One of the people he sent it to was responsible for the windfall.

AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH
Good Luck!!
I hope it works...

May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.


OK, this is what you have to do....

Send this to all of your friends! But - you HAVE to send this within 1 hour from when you open it!

Now.................Make A wish!!!!!!

I hope you made your wish! Now then, if you send to:
1 person --- your wish will be granted in 1 year
3 people --- 6 months
5 people --- 3 months
6 people --- 1 month
7 people --- 2 weeks
8 people --- 1 week
9 people --- 5 days
10 people --- 3 days
12 people --- 2 days
15 people --- 1 day
20 people --- 3 hours

If you delete this after you read it . you will have 1 year of bad luck!

But .. if you send it 2 of your friends you will automatically have 3 years of good luck!!! :-)

AND MY RESPONSE WAS:

Yeah, and if you actually consider sending it even though you don't think these things really work, but you decide to go ahead and send it because your luck has been crap lately and you need all the help you can get, but your boss walks up just as you are pasting the last email address in the To line, and you try to close the email window, but you only succeed in making it bigger and then you can't get it to minimize and your boss is standing there talking to you and glancing at your pc every few minutes and you know he's reading the email you were going to send and you realize it's probably very obvious to him that it's personal stuff on company time, and then your boss walks away and you just know he's thinking you're more of a fruitloop than he did ten minutes ago, and so you not only close the email without sending it, but you also mark it for deletion and then empty it from your email account completely, which means you don't end up sending it to anyone, and according to the email you will now have an additional year of bad luck, and then you realize that one more year doesn't really matter because you're used to bad luck, so you get up from your chair and leave your office to go get coffee and then you feel something around your ankles and you look down and your panties are resting happily on top of your shoes...and you realize that today you wore your sleazy red thong panties...and you look up and your boss is standing there because he was talking to one of your coworkers in the hallway...and now they're both gaping at you...and you wish that the ground would just open up and swallow you...but of course it doesn't...and you realize that you should have just told your boss to hold on a minute while you hit the Send button...

Mikey Says

"I got my anger from my dad...and my strength and toughness from my dad. And I got the power to control all of it from my mom."

And he's nine. And he's mine.

Thank God he's mine.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Things I Love About Me:

* My hands
* I'm a great mom
* I have pretty green eyes
* I love a wide variety of music
* I have a great job
* I'm friendly and enjoy being around people
* I am kind to others
* I love children
* I'm funny and quick to laugh
* I sing in the shower
* I am a good sleeper

Have a great day, me!

If I Had My VERY OWN Life to Live Over . . .

I would have:

* Spent more time with my grandma Reka and asked her more questions about her childhood
* Worried less about sleep and more about how fortunate I was to have little people who woke me up in the wee hours of the morning
* Been more selective in my choice of husbands
* Discovered earlier that I am a good woman
* Listened to my mother more often
* Studied harder in school
* Danced at high school parties
* Stuck with playing the trumpet
* Given more attention to the world around me
* Burned less bridges
* Kept in close contact with my Aunt Sonnie
* Listened more closely to the lessons my Grandpa McKee taught me
* Not worried that I was a little overweight
* Never gone to live with my biological father when I was 18
* Told my GG just one more time that I love her and that it made me laugh we she called peeing "going tinkle"
* Committed to memory every moment of my life from birth to age five (it was fabulous being me during that time!)
* Understood how very much my grandparents and great-grandparents loved me
* Not fallen in love with every boy or man who gave me the time of day

NOW...Things I wouldn't change for anything...

* Joel, my first-born, music-technology-alien-loving, graphic designer, computer freaky son
* Sammy, my energetic, intelligent, video gamer, student of life, I Am My Own Person son
* Rachel, my spiritual, inspirational lover of life, Get Involved With People and Projects angel of a daughter
* Mikey, my Work In Progress, army-man, football player, funny and smart and We'll See What Comes Our Way son
* My talented and loving mother, who never ceases to amaze me
* My beautiful sister Rachel, who is the best mother on the planet
* My extremely talented brother Cameron, who just became a daddy
* Having Mark for a stepdad - the lessons were intense and valuable
* We Love Phil, my mother's hubby - more good qualities than I can list here
* My friends
* The hard times
* The good times

If I Had My Life to Live Over

I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television-and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's"... more "I'm sorry's" ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute ... look at it and really see it ... live it ... and never give it back.

Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God has blessed us with and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually. Life is too short to let it pass you by.

We only have one shot at this life and then it's gone.

- Erma Bombeck

Finding Strength

Although it is hard for me to hear women justify their reasons for staying with abusive men, I have been there and I understand. There are so many of us out here - we have so much in common. But, it is embarrassing and socially unacceptable to talk about the real issues involved with domestic violence.

We dance around the abuse and call our husbands controlling, jealous or say they are penny pinchers. We accept the fact that they read our mail, listen to our voicemail, go through our personal belongings, check our pagers and caller id's, but we would never have accepted that nosiness from our parents when we were teenagers.

We allow them to scream accusations and obscenities at us and call us horrible, filthy names, with their faces inches from ours, feeling the heat of their anger and rage.

And we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves it's okay, because they love us, it only happens sometimes, he always says he's sorry, my children need their father, I don't want to be alone, I need the money, I don't want to lose my home, what will my parents think, he's a good provider, the good times are so good, he's so handsome, etc.

But, we would never let our children or a stranger on the street talk to us that way.

Yet, we accept those things from the person closest to us, whatever you want to call them, they are our husbands --- our partners --- the fathers of our children --- our best friends --- lover --- confidant --- trusted friend.

And, when it's over they apologize and we forgive them --- tell them we understand --- make them dinner --- share their beds --- love them. And we promise ourselves that we will be more careful, never say "that" again, never ask that question again, never get that look on our faces again, never confront him again, never spend that much money again. And we walk on eggshells, watching how we talk, dress, act, sit, think, and eat.

And they think it's okay. And when we watch them pretend like nothing ever happened, calling us honey, baby and sweetie a little piece of us dies. A little bit of that beautiful flower our mothers and fathers planted inside us long ago wilts, and over the years the beauty fades, the self esteem goes, the smiles turn to frowns, and our hopes and dreams are a distant memory.

What is it in us that we make the unacceptable become acceptable for them? How can we trick ourselves so successfully into believing that they have our best interests in mind? How can we keep smiling, holding down good jobs, raising kids, while all the while we live a lie on the inside?

How? Because we are strong women. Imagine if we focused that strength on OURSELVES instead of on them.

Just imagine...

Confession

I have made a mess of my life.

Every thought that turned to action and every thought that put me at an impasse, causing me to not act at all, has brought me to where I am right at this very moment. It's 6:14pm by my clock, at my desk, in my house, on my street, in my town.

As I move my fingers over the keys on this keyboard in repeated patterns I learned years ago, my thoughts and feeling are recorded. Well, at least a part of them is recorded. Because even as I think and write my most conscious thoughts, there are a multitude of other thoughts racing around behind the scenes, refusing to slow down long enough for me to catch and record them.

I mean, have you ever tried to make your mind go completely blank? Ever consciously tried to not think? I have tried so many times and always, just when I think I've done it, I realize that I am thinking I've done it and I blow the whole thing.

So, anyhow, back to my life... Yes. It's a mess. A carefully crafted tower of cards that appears to be solidly built by anyone on the outside looking in, but one that I am fairly certain is going to cause me to have some serious conversations with God or Buddah or Allah or Darth Vader, or whomever decided up there in The Cosmos that this soul that inhabits my body is capable of enduring the endless thick coating of bullshit that has been slathered on me by my own two hands for most of my sad, miserable, and somehow oddly enjoyable 37 years.

I don't really blame any Higher Power, but it sure would be nice to know was She was thinking when She mapped out a plan for My Life. It must have been Her off day, because from what I can see, She did a pretty good job with the people around me.

Yes, She does have a sense of humor, because just look at me. I mean really. What's up with this? In all honesty, good things DO happen to me. Sometimes. I mean, the laws of probability say so, right??? Maybe today's lesson is that I need to make good things happen and not just sit around waiting.

Okay, so my confession. Lately, I've been catching these fleeting feelings of happiness or peace of mind or security (not sure exactly what I'm catching) but it's just beyond my reach. Sometimes, it's a smile or a sound or something I see that reminds me of a way I felt a long time ago when life was safe and predictable...peaceful, serene...just really okay and alright. Before my life became a mess.

Oh, yeah. Fasten your seatbelt. I'll blog about that next time.